“If you choose the cheaper option it’s going to cost 6K, if you go with the more extensive re-routing, it will cost closer to 10.”
Audible sigh. “Do we absolutely have to do this?” I asked him.
“No choice. If you don’t do it, the water pipes could burst at any time.”
“What would you do Tom?”
“If it were my house, I would go with the 10K answer, you don’t want to take chances with pipes in your walls.
“Ok then, I guess we have to do it. There goes 10K.”
This was a conversation I had with my contractor back when my house was getting renovated in 2014. Although he had just told me that my budget needed to be upped by ten grand, I was strangely ok with it.
You see, I trusted Tom implicitly. I had worked with him on other projects and I knew that he was as honest as they come and if he said we needed to do something, well, we needed to do it.
Contrast this with the woman I had hired to be my designer.
It was the first time I had worked with a designer and frankly, I was a little intimidated. Decorating is not natural to me and I really felt that I needed to be hand held.
From the beginning there were red flags, but she seemed to have some good ideas, so I ignored the fact that she talked more than she listened and she seemed to think that her way was the only way. I hired her anyway.
It wasn’t long before I regretted my decision. After a few months of astronomical bills and not as much progress as I had hoped, I had lost confidence in her. There were a lot of complaints running through my head and I was really frustrated with the way she ran her business.
But it wasn’t until after the ten grand conversation with Tom that the light bulb went on for me.
You see, dealing with Tom was easy. I trusted him. We were fair and honest with each other. Even if it was expensive, if he said something needed to be done, I went with it.
With my designer it felt all wrong. I didn’t feel comfortable with what she was advising me to do and I didn’t want to pay her another penny.
I hadn’t paid attention to my knowing. My intuition. My sixth sense.
So I made the difficult decision to fire her. Even though we had already ordered the kitchen and were knee deep in some other big choices, I knew that I wanted more relationships in my life like the one with Tom.
Of course, as soon as I untangled myself from the first one, I found the most perfect designer to work with. Patty was literally a life saver for me and my renovation. She held my hand through the whole process and helped me make the myriad of decisions that had to be made. She totally got my style and my vision and she made herself constantly available to me.
Why am I telling you this story? Because it is possible to have easy relationships in your life. There are people out there who are a joy to know, who think the way you do and will be your perfect match. But you have to make sure not to settle.
If I had followed my knowing and not ignored those red flags, I would never have hired my first designer. I was not confident around the subject of decorating and had missed the obvious signs that we were not a good match.
How many times have you looked back and said, “I knew from the beginning that something was off.” That was your knowing.
When I met Patty, it all felt right–the same way it had always felt with Tom. When something is aligned, I don’t get funny feelings in my stomach and there is no second guessing.
When it’s right, it makes my whole body feel like I’ve found the perfect answer. It feels light, airy and a bit exhilarating. You know that feeling, don’t you?
Your knowing is always trying to get your attention. Sometimes it is quiet and subtle, other times it is like a car alarm. But it’s always there if you take the time to listen.
I try very hard to remember this example in my life and keep as many Tom and Patty’s around as possible.
When it’s right, you just know.
Do you trust your knowing?
In order to change your life, you must first change your mind.