Everyone is Winning the Game they are Playing

Wow! Big reactions to this one.

Well, that is why I brought it up.

If you missed last weeks Coming Attraction, I presented two paradigms for your mulling pleasure. They were:

Everyone Is Winning The Game They Are Playing.

and

All Behavior And Experience Has A Positive Intention.

I received varying reactions, from “no way!” to “intention is all well and good, but action is what really matters” to the comment that mirrored my own when I first read these paradigms, which was “in that case, what game am I playing?”

The underlying message in the Game paradigm is that there is no such thing as self sabotage. There is no procrastination. There are no excuses.

If you are not getting the results that you say that you want, it is because you are playing a game that makes sure you won’t.

You may be playing the “I can’t lose weight” game. And winning. Or the “There is never enough money” game. And winning.
Or the “There are already enough people doing what I want to do” game. And winning. Or the “It is too late for me” game. And winning.

And this of course begs the question:

Why would you be playing a game that doesn’t give you the results you say you want?

And this is where the other paradigm comes in.

All Behavior And Experience Has A Positive Intention.

The underlying message beneath this paradigm is that every action anyone ever takes is either an expression of love or a call for love. No exceptions.

If you are not living in the way you want or having the things you want, there is a reason. And most of the time that reason is you feeling unsafe. So, not doing or having the thing you say you want feels safer to you and becomes the positive intention behind your apparent self sabotage.

You see, as a human being, your primary instincts are for safety, love and belonging. These three basic needs are fundamental to your existence and are responsible for the majority of the decisions you make in your life.

This is why losing weight, having enough money or going for what you want in the world, could be interpreted by part of you as unsafe.

A few examples of positive intentions that could be behind not sought after results:

~ Your family expressed their love through food.

~ You gained weight to protect yourself from unwanted sexual advances

~ Your family struggled financially, so you feel that you need to also

~ You received the message that taking risks is dangerous

~ You were told that people aren’t to be trusted

~ You know that no good deed goes unpunished

~ You saw that women are meant to be care takers, not to be in the spotlight

So your intention has been pure. While you may not be getting the results you consciously want, these behaviors and many others protect your safety, love and belonging.

You want to fit in. You want a sense of belonging in your family and culture and to carry on the traditions that were modeled for you.

Except that you don’t. Not always.

Of course you want to love and be loved. You want to feel a sense of safety and belonging.

But you also want to live fully. Follow your dreams. Live life on your own terms.

While simultaneously feeling a sense of safety and belonging.

And you can. You can have all of it.

It is a matter of recognizing when you are making decisions from your scared place. The red flag is when you are behaving contrary to what you say you want. That isn’t you. That is the part of you trying to stay safe when there is no real danger.

When you see it, you can assure yourself that all is well and then move through the fear and do the thing you want. The thing that makes your heart sing. The thing that is going to fulfill you.

And once you do it, you will realize that everything is ok. You still belong and are loved and safe.

It sounds obvious, but it can be really tough. You are hardwired well and changing the pathways is a real process—but completely doable.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes. And before you know it, you have established a new normal.

What do you think? Please leave a comment below and let me know how you feel now about the two paradigms. Has this conversation changed your mind? Or are you still convinced that these aren’t true for you?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Hugs,

Lorna

Ready to start establishing your new normal? I can help! Contact me to set up your complimentary first call.

In order to change your life, you must first change your mind