Do you ever catch yourself feeling guilty for wanting more in your life? Do you say to yourself– “I have so much to be grateful for, how can I possibly want more? I have a great family, a comfortable lifestyle and even downtime for social events and hobbies. There is so much pain, poverty and injustice in our world, how can I dare not feel happy with all that I have? That would be selfish of me.”
And then do you paste the smile back on your face, kid yourself that everything is ok and go back to the routine of your life?
If this feels eerily familiar, I want you to know that you are not alone. I hear from women every week who feel exactly the same way.
While they try very hard, the guilt mixed with the pretending is tearing them apart.
This is what I want you to know:
Just because you have a comfortable lifestyle does not mean that you are happy.
Just because you have a list of accomplishments or a full social card doesn’t mean that you are fulfilled.
Just because you have great kids does not mean that you know your own value or place in the world.
The more that you ignore your signs of discontent, the harder life becomes. The more you cover it up with trying to feel grateful the deeper the hole feels. The more that you push the emotion away, the more likely it is that you will compensate with numbing habits–food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, tv, internet, over-busyness.
Maybe you already do it. Using one or more of those things to numb how you really feel. It’s the way that you escape from yourself.
So should you feel guilty for wanting more or should you feel guilty that you are sleepwalking through your life?
And this is why the original premise of “I feel guilty for wanting more” is so totally and completely wrong.
If money, success and comfort equaled happiness then you wouldn’t see such high suicide and substance abuse rates in the entertainment industry. Those are the people that “have it all” in the eyes of our society. But happiness largely remains out of their reach too.
So what gives? If the people who have done all the right things and ticked all the proper boxes STILL aren’t happy–what chance does anyone have of true happiness?
I will let you in on the big secret:
Happiness has nothing to do with your bank account, your diploma, your amount of free time, your titles, the appreciation you get from others or who you share your bed with.
“The American Dream” that was sold to us as the way to secure everlasting happiness is one big fat lie. (Yes, that made me angry too).
Happiness is not outside of you and it never has been.
Happiness is an inside job. It can only come from within you and it can only happen when you are ready to face your real feelings.
You can keep on numbing. Most people do.
And that’s why most people never fully live.
One of the crucial steps on my journey was the day I admitted to myself that I was not happy.
That was the day I stopped kidding myself that I was “fine”. The day I finally realized that all the people, things and accomplishments in my life were not enough to fulfill me.
It simply wasn’t working and when I finally stopped lying to myself about it, everything shifted.
I went from trying desperately to “be grateful” to actively figuring out what I needed to actually be happy. And most of that had to do with self acceptance and treating myself the way that I thought others should be treating me.
And then the most amazing thing happened. Once I gave that love and acceptance to myself, I started feeling it from others as well–just the way I had always hoped.
As it turns out, I had been getting it all along, I just couldn’t see it or let it in because I hadn’t felt worthy of the love.
Are you ready to admit that the status quo is not enough for you? Are you ready to start the journey back to yourself?
I promise it will be the most empowering thing you ever do.
If you are ready to stop numbing, stop faking and truly step into the possibilities of your life, please hit contact in the upper right hand corner so that I can help you create a personal roadmap. First calls with me are always complimentary.
Take the reigns of your life. What you seek is not outside of you. You are the only one who can make it happen. Let today be the day.
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In order to change your life, you must first change your mind.