I was wrong.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
I say it often. I say it easily. I try to embrace it. I have finally gotten to a place where I understand that being wrong is a natural and important part of life.
Looking back, I see clearly that I spent a lot of time and energy insisting I was right. I equated being wrong with being weak. As a woman on Wall Street, I thought I had to know everything and if I was wrong, the gig was up. As a mom I thought “all knowing” was part of the job description.
This position put me on the defensive—all the time! I was always explaining, avoiding, defending, reasoning or rationalizing my actions. I could justify anything to make sure it didn’t show me in a poor light.
What a production this was! What a huge energy drain. And all it was doing was holding me back from being my authentic self. I was faking it–I couldn’t admit being wrong to myself and I surely wasn’t going to admit it to anyone else.
We all know that to err is human. We also know that our greatest lessons come from our biggest mistakes. And yet as a society we defend, defend, defend. We learn it from our families, our elected officials, big business—never being wrong is a cornerstone of the American Way. Nobody says “I’m sorry, I was wrong. What can I do to fix it?”
So now I understand that being wrong doesn’t change who I am as a person. I have the same character and integrity after a mistake as I had before it. I was trying and I messed up. Fully grasping this allows me to be ok with being wrong. I try to ‘fess up, apologize if it’s warranted, learn my lesson and move on. I am happy to set this example for my kids in the hopes that they learn the lesson earlier than I did.
So, do you want to be right? Or do you want to be free?
For many years I had to be right.
But guess what? I was wrong.
Are you spending too much time insisting you’re right? Are there places where you could let go and be ok with being wrong? How do you think it could change you? Please leave a comment below.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net <http://www.freedigitalphotos.net>
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Fiona says
September 5, 2013 at 10:27 amYou know me and my desire to be right and the reason I lost so much weight living overseas and put it all back on and then some coming home.
Still busy being right and feel the need to run away overseas again to start over (with S and the kids coming too of course)every now and then. There is something truly liberating about starting over without the constraints of your old life. I just need to reinvent that for myself here and now and be ok with that regardless of what anyone might have to say.
I love your writing Lorna, I get you, you get me and as always I miss you, probably more so now I am where you were then :D. Having a virtual cuppa with you at the kitchen table.
Fiona xxx
breathecommunity.org says
September 5, 2013 at 10:21 pmFiona it is wonderful that you recognize your need to be right. I am not sure I would have admitted it at your age. It is the perfect first step.
Love our virtual cuppa!
L xoxo
Silvia says
September 5, 2013 at 2:37 pmLorna. I just loved this post. Simple, yet so effective. And such a powerful message. i knew I was free and happy when I started becoming comfortable with being wrong. I saw what havoc it played on the lives of people I loved when they chose being right over being happy. Actually I learned the biggest lesson for this in the kitchen when I became aware that often my mistakes resulted in something delicious.
breathecommunity.org says
September 5, 2013 at 10:12 pmSilvia it is so true that this spills over into all aspects of our lives. Even cooking!
Aimelie Ronquillo says
September 7, 2013 at 2:42 amReally great post Lorna! When I was in my 20’s I was really big on having to be right, Once i got into my 30’s, I definitely started taking more responsibility with my life and let go of that need. It truly is such a freeing feeling to be able to let it go, learn your lessons and move on. Thanks for sharing!!
Marsha from YesYesMarsha.com says
September 7, 2013 at 5:44 amLorna! You’ve just given me SUCH a revelation!
I had heard and tried to put into practise
Do you want to be right or do you want to be kind?
(but sometimes you’re so mad you don’t know that that person DESERVES your kindness)
and
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
(but sometimes the idea of not being right feels like it won’t make you happy)
But never before have I thought,
Do you want to be right or do you want to be free?
Next time I get into conflict, THIS (I hope!) is what will be in my mind!
Elise says
September 9, 2013 at 4:21 pmLorna! Great perspective, and you definitely made me think. I have to admit that I like to be “right” , and it’s really hard when you THINK that you are always right to admit when you are not right…and (gulp!) wrong. I am definitely a work in progress, but I will take this blog post to heart and try…
Kat says
September 9, 2013 at 4:55 pmThis definitely triggered memories of those times I fought the silly fight, “for the principle”. Wanting so desperately to be right prevented me from forgiving people of my past and moving forward, because in my mind, to forgive was to somehow admit I was wrong! I have to say that when I realized that I don’t have to be right all of the time, or that forgiveness has nothing to do with who is right or wrong, my life opened up and great things began to happen.
Great post!
Sonja Keller says
September 10, 2013 at 9:14 amHey beautiful Lorna, I loved this post. So much of what you say is true. I’ve spent a life of defending defending defending only to find myself utterly drained and emotionally spent. I learnt some time ago that it was ok to be wrong and to admit it. This in fact didn’t make me less of a person, but MORE of a person. It certainly took the pressure off always needing to be right! Thanks once again for your insight.
Julie Marah says
September 10, 2013 at 11:38 pmGreat post Lorna. Admitting we are wrong means being willing to show our vulnerability, to admit we’re not perfect and that we don’t always get it right.
We are so much more authentic when we do this and the added bonus is it creates more connection between us (whereas our fear of being wrong ironically comes from a fear of being excluded).
I think the more you get to know and love yourself, the easier it becomes to admit when you are wrong. You recognise that being wrong doesn’t make you a bad person!
Thanks for your very honest post Lorna.