When Life Throws you a Curve Ball

Hey there!  How are you today?

I am just back from an amazing trip to Hilton Head Island with my college girlfriends.  There is simply nothing in my life like the connection that I share with these eight ladies.  There is also nothing like the amount of belly laughter that we enjoy together. We have been friends for more than a quarter century and I am so thankful to be part of such a tight knit group. I have thought many times about the random Freshman room assignments that threw us together.  Boy am I grateful that they did!

On to our topic of the day.

So there you are, going about your business.  You have been working on staying positive and looking on the bright side.  Things are going pretty well and you feel you are making progress.  And then it hits. Something large that throws you completely off track–a job loss, a diagnosis, a divorce. You quickly fall back to your old reactionary ways.  You think this positivity stuff is for the birds.  How can you possibly stay positive when life throws you a curve ball like this?

Maybe one of my favorite fables can shed some light:

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.
His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses following. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses.
His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.
His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.
His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man just said, “We’ll see.

We as a society are great at labeling things. We say something is “good” or it is “bad” and we act and feel accordingly. But who are we to say what is good and what is bad? 

In truth you can’t ever know how things are going to work out. You tell yourself you know and this gives you a false sense of security. But if you really think about events in your life, I am sure you will realize that there are just as many situations that didn’t turn out like you thought they would than those that did.  We never really know.

So while you don’t know what is going to happen, you do have a choice about how you feel.  

Staying positive is a choice you are capable of making every day. While looking at circumstances and accepting them for what they are is not always easy, with practice you can learn to take everything in stride.  

Staying calm and cool while still taking the action that the situation demands is your ultimate goal.  

But when you resist the situation and lose your temper, you don’t behave optimally. No one is served if you are angry or stressed or attacking others. Generally when you behave this way it is because you are not accepting “what is”. You disagree with it or can’t believe it is true and it clouds your judgement and behavior. 

What if this thing that you are resisting has happened for you, not to you?  What if the situation is exactly what you need to help you learn something?

If you have been reading here for a while, you know that I believe that life is the ultimate classroom.   

There are many people who believe that there is a grand plan in our world.  Some people even believe that we pick our lives beforehand and sign up for the trials and tribulations that we are going to face.  The belief is that we do this for our growth and learning.  

Now, whether you believe this or not, it can help you stay positive. If you take this approach, then when so called “bad” things happen, you can ask yourself, “What is this trying to teach me?”  

It can be many things:
How can I make a different choice?
How can I make myself heard?
How can I take care of myself?
How can I trust that this will be ok?
How can I love this person?
How can I forgive this person?
How can I forgive this situation?

Instead of reacting to “bad” events in the same old way, what if you paused, stepped back and asked yourself these questions:

What is this trying to teach me?
What do I need to do differently this time?
How do I want to feel as I make my way through this?
What part of this can I control?
What part of this do I need to accept?
How can I best support myself and my loved ones through this?
What is my body telling me?
What are my emotions telling me?

How different would it feel if you were to experience your next “bad” event in this way?  Would you feel differently? Would you act and speak differently?  Would the event hold less power over you?  

You may be thinking that this sounds great in theory, but how the heck do you actually do it?  If you would like some help with that, please hit contact in the upper right hand corner so we can set up a time to chat.  These are exactly the types of things that I work on with my clients.  First calls are always free.  🙂

Thanks for reading.  If I haven’t said it lately–I am so thankful to have you here.  You are one of the big reasons I do what I do.  ‘Til next week.

Hugs,

Lorna

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