Could there be a more pressure filled holiday? Here is some of the nonsense you deal with around V-Day:
“What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” asked by every single person you talk to in the two weeks leading up to February 14th.
Do you have a special love in your life? If yes, do they show it to you in the absolute perfect romantic way? Do you do the same for them? What is the best way to prove our love? And let’s be sure it all gets onto social media.
If you don’t have a special someone, why, why, why?
Or for new couples–is it too soon in the relationship to show how you feel? What if what you do is too much? What if it’s not enough? Should you expect something from this new relationship, or are you setting yourself up for disappointment?
And for the long married folk, when you get to that point in time where you dismiss Valentine’s Day by saying “It’s just a Hallmark Holiday,” does that mean romantic love is a thing of your past? Have you completely lost belief in true love and become a cynical old geezer?
Who thought this holiday was a good idea?
Before you stop reading, I will tell you that the rest of this article doesn’t have anything to do with finding the perfect partner.
At a workshop I hosted this week, one of the main themes was happiness.
We talked about how we were all taught that happiness was something “out there”. How it was something that needed to be found or achieved. And with love we all got a similar message. “Find” these things and life will be good, you will be fulfilled and all will be well. Happily Ever After, right?
Well, no. The problem is that we have been sold a complete bill of goods. “Finding” love and happiness isn’t the way it works at all.
Happiness and love have never been and never will be “out there”. No matter what you may achieve in life–unmatched success, dream partner, great kids, magnificent lifestyle, fame, fortune—if you don’t love yourself you will never be anything but fleetingly happy.
Love and happiness are an inside job. They come from within you. 100%. How you feel about yourself, how you treat yourself, what you focus on and what you believe about other people and the world is the #1 determinate for whether you feel love and happiness (and peace and contentment, but that is for another day).
Be your own soul mate. Anything you desire this Valentine’s Day? Give it to yourself. Any words you wish someone would say to you? Say them to yourself. And mean them. The only Valentine you need is you. It really is that simple.
Once you start this practice, you will stop searching for something outside of yourself to complete you. You will stop being disappointed that other people don’t live up to your expectations. You will become grounded and secure exactly where you are–not dependent on what someone else does or says. Not only is it a magnificent way to live, it will make the relationships in your life that much deeper and healthier.
As soon as you love yourself exactly the way you are, you are able to see how much you were loved all along. And then you are in a place where you can actually receive it.
Because when you don’t love yourself, you don’t believe that anyone else can truly love you either. You are so engaged with all the ways that you are not what you want to be, that you think that is all others can see too. Even if they worship the ground you walk on and only see you as your best self–you are incapable of feeling it.
So this Valentine’s day—love yourself up. Make a plan. Promise yourself that you will only be kind to yourself and that you will do something special, just for you. Start this practice and see the amazing, beautiful places it can take you. Loving yourself is the key to a whole new way of living.
(I’m not saying to completely ignore your honey–there is definitely room for loving yourself and others).
Now, when you see all those Valentine’s Day commercials and posts? When you see the gross commercialization of this Hallmark Holiday? None of it will have the power to touch you. None of it matters anymore.
Because you no longer place your worth on who loves you or making them prove it. You love yourself and have come to realize that was all you ever needed.
Now over to you–does all this self love talk make you uncomfortable? Does this ring true to you, but you don’t know where to start? Or do you already have a self love practice? I would love to hear all about it in the comments below.
And if you would like some help starting this oh so important practice in your life, let’s get on the phone so I can help by giving you a roadmap. Hit contact in the upper right corner of this page and we can set up a time to chat.
Here’s to looking within.
Hugs and LOVE,