Last week I opened up here about my separation. I cannot even express how heartened I was by the overwhelming love and support I received. Thank you so much.
While everything that came back via email was singularly positive, a few people that I’ve seen in person have given me the hairy eyeball. “Why do you share your personal life in such a public way Lorna?”
Happy to answer that one.
No mask, No apologies
I’ve felt strongly about this for a long time. Pretending is just not my thing.
A few years back I learned a definition of integrity that I try my best to live by:
Integrity–when what you think, what you say and what you do are all in alignment.
It isn’t always easy, but I try very hard to be honest and give people the real me.
For such a long time I faked it and it felt horrible inside. I was out of alignment.
Being truthful allows me to better connect with people who are receptive and scares off those who don’t like my honesty.
Many people worry about those they turn off. But when you are clear that what you say is about you and what others say and do is about them, it is easier to be at peace with other people’s so called judgements.
If someone can’t handle me being forthright, it is almost always because they can’t imagine doing it themselves. That is for them to deal with, not for me to worry about.
It took me a long time to stop the “I’m fine” facade—but once I finally broke free, I never looked back.
Alternative Facts
We live in the age of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. People spend a scary amount of time manufacturing their personas on social media. It makes sense that people share good stuff, but when it is so one sided that you are barraged with images of everyone’s “perfect” lives you can start to get discouraged by your own.
Even though you intellectually know that you are only getting a partial picture, you can forget, start comparing yourself and quickly become discouraged. (I can’t tell you how many people say to me that they have quit Facebook because it depresses them).
By being honest about my ups and downs, my wins and my struggles, I hope that I can give people a more accurate picture into what most lives look like.
I am a real person with real issues. Everyone is, but most are not willing to talk about it. In my opinion, having a forum for straight talk is a well needed outlet.
I will always be here for those who feel like they will burst if they don’t get a chance to confide.
Lean back, we’ve got you
As hard as it can be to admit that things are rocky or that you need help, doing so opens you up for a tremendous amount of love and support. People really do want to help and boost you up.
I will say that this is the first time that I have been on the receiving end of “sending love and light”; “thinking of you”;”checking in”;”what can I do?”; “I’m here for you.”
Let me tell you—every single one is helpful. They all touch my heart. The messages, get togethers and calls are balm for my soul, so appreciated and do indeed boost me up.
None of that would be possible if I hadn’t been honest about what is happening in my life.
I could be staying quiet and needlessly living out very lonely, dark days.
If sharing is super hard for you, remember that whatever you are dealing with will get out eventually. People talk. It’s human nature. So why not release information on your own terms and receive the benefit of people coming to your aid.
If you are someone who easily shares the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I hope that this has encouraged you to keep on keeping on.
On the other hand if keeping mum has been your modus operandi, I hope that this helps you see that opening up can really help you feel better and more connected to those you care about.
And if you still can’t stomach the thought of sharing with your network, please hit CONTACT in the upper right corner of this page so that you can have a 100% confidential coaching call to let it all out. Trust me—you will feel SO much better when you do.
Hugs,
Lorna
In order to change your life, you must first change your mind.
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