You know that feeling when you are on top of the world? When you are in love or got the big promotion or the new house you have been pining for. You know that feeling? The feeling that no one can ruin, no matter what? You are in your happy bubble and nothing can touch you. You are walking on air and life is perfect and wonderful.
What if you could feel like that all the time? What if you could walk around day in and day out not letting things bother you? That no matter what happens, you stay happy and even keeled?
Think it’s not possible? Ok, I admit it might not be the walking on air, complete feeling of elation—BUT it can be dealing with what happens and not letting it ruin your mood.
Still skeptical? I get it. I was too.
But you really can. It is all about training your brain. We are so programmed to label everything—good, bad, ugly, beautiful, awkward, embarrassing, awful, wonderful, scary, peaceful—you get the idea.
But what if we took away the labels? What if instead of judging it we simply say “it is”.
For example, the weather is rainy and windy. You can label it and get grumpy and huff around while getting your rain gear and umbrella. You can let it annoy you and ruin your mood for the day. OR you could say, “Hmmmm…it is raining.” You skip the judgment, get your raincoat and umbrella and go about your day.
The rain is there no matter. It is your attitude and opinion about the rain that gets you in trouble.
We do this with everything. Is the delayed flight a personal vendetta against us? Or is it just a delayed plane? Is the customer service representative purposely causing you headaches? Or is she just doing her job and you are letting the situation get the better of you? Did your friend rudely snub you at school pick up? Or did she perhaps not see you and your opinion of what you think happened is ruining your afternoon?
Why do we always take it personally? 99 times out of 100 it has absolutely, positively nothing to do with us. Nothing.
And even if it does—what good does it do us to resist it? How is it helping us when we react? If the weather is bad, if someone is rude to us, if we spill something, if we have one thing after another go wrong? Does the situation change based on our anger or frustration about it?
What’s done is done. We can either accept it and move on or resist it and let it bother us for some unspecified amount of time.
We are so programmed to react. But as I often ask, “Is it serving you to react?” Getting angry, frustrated, annoyed, hurt or jealous. Do you enjoy those emotions? Do they help you in any way?
Try it today. When something happens that you would normally react to: Stop. Breathe. Decide in the moment that you are going to accept what happened, deal with it if you need to and go about your day. Notice how it feels to sidestep the emotional reaction.
The more you practice this, the more your brain becomes accustomed to it, the easier it gets. It may not be the elation of being in love, but it is a happy bubble and you have all the power to make sure no one pops it.
Do you think you could go a full day without reacting to anything? Please leave me your thoughts in the comments.
Annabel Monaghan says
January 23, 2014 at 12:42 pmThis is SO wise. I am going to carry it around in my head all day. I have just had an experience where i was on the wrong end of a careless mistake, and I tried to give it a mental shrug…. It really helped! Love this post, Lorna!
breathecommunity.org says
January 24, 2014 at 1:49 pmI am glad the article spoke to you Annabel. Good luck!
Jo Bryan says
January 23, 2014 at 9:21 pmThis is so true Lorna and it really works. It makes us happier, calmer, kinder and less stressed and even puts smiles on people’s faces. I saw an example today and wanted to get out and say something…..when someone’s trying to park (especially in Purchase Street, Rye!) don’t get stressed. Be patient and give them space and time to park rather than try and overtake them. You have stop signs and stop lights ahead of you and they’ll probably be red when you get there anyway! It always makes me smile when you see drivers speeding around and overtaking, only to arrive at the stop lights and find you’re right behind them!!!
breathecommunity.org says
January 24, 2014 at 1:52 pmIt’s so true Jo and we can see it every day all around us. Just taking that extra few seconds to be ok with what is going on delivers amazing peace of mind. I want it for everyone!
Elise says
January 24, 2014 at 12:35 amLorna! Great article and that shift in perspective is definitely easier said than done. I tend to take things personally and be reactive. I am taking this message to heart…but it may take a little while to actually practice it:).
breathecommunity.org says
January 24, 2014 at 1:50 pmIt does take practice Elise, but if you are committed it works and helps so much in daily life. Let me know if you would like to speak, I can help with strategies to make the shift. It has changed everything for me.
Silvia says
January 24, 2014 at 4:28 pmLorna. Wonderful post and I know exactly where you’re coming from with this. Funny though, sometimes I go to the other extreme, shrug it off when I really should have done something about something that wasn’t right only to find later that my laissez faire attitude caused problems that I now have to deal with. Don’t know if that makes sense without me giving specifics but here’s what I’ve learned about that.
I think we need to correct or address whatever it is but to do so without labels and negative emotion…something like…this is what’s happening and this doesn’t work for me. I need this taken care of. Thank you.
Does this make sense?
breathecommunity.org says
January 27, 2014 at 1:39 amSilvia it completely makes sense. We do need to make sure we don’t get so laid back that we don’t handle things that happen. You are right–we take care of what needs doing, but without the labels and judgements that make us unhappy. Thanks for your input.
Robyn Lessley says
January 26, 2014 at 7:06 pmGreat post! I think this happens all of the time to everyone. I tend to take things personally sometimes even though I try not to. I love not linking up an emotion with everything that happens. Thanks for sharing!
breathecommunity.org says
January 27, 2014 at 1:42 amRobyn I think we all struggle not to take things personally. The more we practice the easier it gets. Detaching from that emotion does help a lot. Thanks for sharing.
Susie Mordoh says
January 26, 2014 at 11:10 pmGreat insight, Lorna! We really could use a deprogramming to react button. Thank you!
breathecommunity.org says
January 27, 2014 at 1:43 amHey Susie. Wouldn’t it be great if we could buy one? Like the EASY button from Staples. It could be the DON”T REACT button. I love it.
Deb Lange says
January 26, 2014 at 11:32 pmTotally agree. We have been brought up in a society and culture that judges everything s we have learnt by osmosis to do the same. And we have fractured our souls at some time so often think someone is out to get us so there is a tendency to protect and defend or attack . The more we learn to love ourselves and give up negative judgements the freer we become.
Great post.
breathecommunity.org says
January 27, 2014 at 1:40 amDeb I couldn’t agree more. It is all preprogramming and hardly anyone realizes it. I am glad to be off auto pilot and it sounds like you are too. Thanks for your comment!
Denise Marie Filmore says
January 27, 2014 at 12:13 amI am currently trying to practice being in a ‘happy bubble.’ It feels so much better to spend the day like this instead of feeling tense and tight becuase something did not go your way.
Love it!!
breathecommunity.org says
January 27, 2014 at 1:41 amI know Denise, isn’t it great? I have been practicing too and I find that when I focus on the good it actually creates MORE good. Who knew?
april says
January 27, 2014 at 1:26 amsuch a fabulous post, lorna. i have been trying to do this over the past couple of years, and i am a much happier (less angry) person as a result. i would often react to things in that “personal vendetta” way and, as you’ve so eloquently pointed out, what good did it do me? thank you.
breathecommunity.org says
January 27, 2014 at 1:44 amMe too April. Once I realized how being angry all the time wasn’t serving me AT ALL, I chose to change my ways. I am so much more relaxed and happy as a result. I am glad you have had the same results.
Elizabeth MacLeod says
January 27, 2014 at 3:49 amI am just going to say . . . “it is” 🙂
Bon says
January 27, 2014 at 8:44 amI’m working so hard on mindful happiness. I know it’s a choice and I’m wrangling my brain to the ground sometimes to try and come up with the better feeling thought! Phew!
Tania Mercer says
January 27, 2014 at 4:49 pmThank you Lorna. That was excellent! I completely agree and started learning this with The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Although, it’s so important to be reminded of this daily. Thank you for that reminder.
Tania Mercer says
January 27, 2014 at 4:52 pmThis is great! Thank you for tis powerful reminder. It really hit home after reading The Power of Now. But these reminders are so necessary!
Cathy says
January 27, 2014 at 6:00 pmI realize there’s a bit of chicken-egg thing happens for me with this: When I’m having a good day, I’m better able to detach from what “is” and just deal with it. Then again, when I don’t react to the “is”, I end up having a good day.
Either way, it’s a great reminder to do more of it!
Lacy says
January 27, 2014 at 7:41 pmMmmm… I know I’m not the world’s best at this, but my poor mom has to be one of the world’s WORST. My sister and I talk about her “black helicopters” because she seems to feel like the world is out to get her. The credit card reader doesn’t work at Target? It’s the cashier’s fault and personally aimed at my mom. Waiter brings the wrong dish? It’s because he doesn’t like my mom for some reason. She gets audited by the IRS? It’s because of her political leanings, or the websites she visits, or the email she sends, or…
😉
And since I’ve been an adult I’ve been able to look at it and think, Wow. That must be so exhausting!
Nice reminder to try to do LESS of that personalizing myself!