What is it Costing You?

I have a question for you. You know me, I usually have a question.

 
What is “your thing” –you know, that thing that is holding you back from fully living your life?

Is it guilt?

Fear?

Self doubt?

Constant worry?

Feeling unworthy?

An addiction?

Estrangement from loved one?

Is it negative self talk?

Always defending yourself?

A bad marriage?

Kids out of control?

Maybe it is feeling taken advantage of.

Maybe it is resentment or a lack of boundaries in your life.

Is it a traumatic childhood experience?

A sexual encounter?

Feeling dead inside?

 

And your thing?  The thing that you stuff away, hide and pretend doesn’t exist–do you realize what it is costing you?  

I know how it goes.  You try to reassure yourself, you think “oh, it’s just that one bit of me, it’s not a big deal, I’m ok otherwise.  Everything else is fine, it is just that one thing.” 

Every time it comes into your mind, you quickly push it away, back to the furthest recesses of your mind, praying that it stays there. 

But “your thing” inevitably comes back.  It rears its ugly head, often when you can least afford it.

For me it was mattering.  I realized after many years of not being fully engaged with my life that somewhere along the line I had allowed myself to stop mattering.  My whole family took precedence, everyone was more important than me.  Once I saw it clearly, I realized two things:

1) I had let it happen and

2) it made me mad as hell.
Once I saw it?  Once I realized “the thing” that was causing me to feel so lost and unfulfilled?  You can bet I changed it— pronto.  It wasn’t painful and it wasn’t hard.

I saw that all the things that I thought I “should” do as a wife and mother were crushing me.  All of the ingrained “have to’s” and “supposed to’s” that I got from my family, society and Martha Stewart were impossible to maintain while still having a sense of self. 

Once I took a good look at it, I took responsibility for where I was and then changed things.  I started trusting my abilities as a wife and mom and then started using my voice so that I made sure that I mattered again.  

After many years of neglecting myself, I took myself seriously again, so suddenly those around me did too.

“Your thing”, that thing you are hiding?  You guard it with your life.  You protect it with every ounce of your being.

The energy that you expend to hide “your thing” is sucking you dry.  Whether you realize it or not, it is draining you of your life force.    

You are spending so much protective energy on keeping it hidden that you are not experiencing your life to the fullest.

Maybe you over shop or over eat or over indulge to avoid facing it.  Maybe you over schedule yourself to the point that you don’t have two seconds to ever think about who and what you are.  Maybe you are really cranky with your loved ones.  However you mask it, let me assure you the mask is part of hiding “your thing”.

It holds you back.  It keeps you from peace and from living the life you desire and deserve.

What if you dealt with it?  What if you admitted it to someone?  What if you admitted it to yourself?  How long are you willing to let this go on?

The amount of energy you expend protecting your demon—that is the amount of energy that you could be using to enjoy your life.

There is no way over it or around it—the only way out is through (I promise you this).

Until you face it you will not be able to fully experience your relationships or your life.  Until you deal, you will not be able to fully experience yourself.

There is a little girl inside you that is afraid and sad (or pissed off, she might be pissed off).  You can take her hand and let her know that it is ok to come out.  You can lead her to a place of safety and in doing so, free yourself.

You think it is so big and scary.  You think:  “I can’t deal with it. I can’t think about it. I can’t talk about it.”  Those thoughts and your avoidance make it worse than it is. 

As soon as you say it out loud or write it down it loses its power. You end up wondering why it was such a big deal.  

You can work through it, you can see it for what it is.  Then you can leave it behind you. Then you can BE FREE.  Once and freakin’ for all.

I want to tell you in no uncertain terms—-hiding from “your thing” IS NOT WORTH IT.  Keeping it inside, keeping it hidden gives it a strength it doesn’t deserve.  

Let it out so you can put it behind you and live your life.  It is not as scary and bad as you think.  I promise.

Be brave.  Face it.  Talk about it.  Deal with it.  I promise you will look back and say it was the best thing you ever did.  You will finally leave it behind and be able to focus on what you do want instead of running from what you don’t want.

What are you coping with?  What is it costing you?

If you are finally ready to be free of this hindrance, please know that I am here to help. First calls with me are always complimentary–hit contact in the upper right hand corner of this page and we will set yours up.

You don’t have to run from “your thing” anymore.

Hugs,

Lorna

In order to change your life, you must first change your mind.