You are a smart woman. Your life is pretty much put together. Sure, you have some insecurities, some fears in the dark of night–but overall, you are efficient and productive. You are capable and you get things done, whether it is everyday errands, your projects or your community work.
When something needs doing, people seek you out. They come to you because of your impeccable track record. When you take something on, it gets star treatment and always impresses …you are that kind of gal.
But when it comes to your health, it is a different story. All of the times you put those projects and errands and family obligations at the top of the list–guess where your self-care goes? Yup–the bottom. You make promises to yourself: you’ll go to the gym, the yoga class, the spa. You tell yourself that this is the week you’ll commit to cleaning up your eating habits and make changes to your grocery list once and for all. You know you can do it, you just haven’t focused the time and energy needed to follow through for yourself. There are so many other things to do, you don’t have time for healthy meal planning and zen relaxation (feels so selfish, right?)
And then another week passes. When you think about it, you feel hopeless or helpless, probably a bit of both. You feel like you have failed yourself yet again, and wonder: if you are so capable, why can’t you get it together in this one part of your life? Why is this one thing so darn hard?
It all comes down to habits. When we are running around in our crazy lives, our very ingrained, long-term habits are so easy to fall back on. Picking up fast food, watching tv after dinner, eating ice cream when you feel stressed…these habits are etched in your brain and, in a very real way, you act on them without thinking. (It’s true, but I won’t bore you with the science).
But here’s the thing: if you really, really, really want to change, you can. I am not saying it is easy. It obviously isn’t, or we wouldn’t have the health issues we do in this country. So, no, it isn’t easy, but it is so worth it. It takes time and effort to change habits. I believe it is something that should be tackled slowly and steadily, starting small and moving forward, day by day, step by step. Committing to yourself that this IS necessary. It IS important and you DO deserve to put yourself on that demanding list of yours…right up at the very top!
It. Can. Be. Done. You make up your mind. You come up with a game plan. You find a buddy, partner or coach. You commit. You take small actionable steps. You celebrate your small achievements. You feel great. You take bigger steps. Achieve bigger goals. And so on and so forth…isn’t this inspiring you to get motivated???
It is not rocket science. The process is not perfect. You will go forward and you might fall back for a bit. But you will start again and go further. And further. Stretching forward, stepping outside of your comfort zone….why? Because you CAN. And, before you know it, you will have a new habit. It will become a part of who you are the same way the bad one used to be. Your brain will crave it and fall back on the good habit. Your brain does not distinguish the good from the bad–it just does what it has become accustomed to doing. You are in CONTROL of this…you’ve got this, because you are that kind of gal!
It takes 90 days to fully implement a new habit. It will not be a straight line, and it may take longer than 90 days. But you can retrain your brain and once you’ve done it…you can work on your next goal, creating a new and healthy pattern that is just for YOU. Using your goals as a guide, you can change your eating patterns, create new fitness routines, institute self-care regimens (hello, massage?!) and more…it is up to YOU and the sky is the limit.
It will take faith. It will take stamina, dedication and patience. You will need support and you will need to believe when times get tough. You will need to adjust to different food choices. Your friends and family might be getting the double cheeseburgers with a side of wings while you order the fish of the day, with vegetables on the side. But you know what? Pretty soon you will crave that fish. You will be so happy to be eating something that will nourish you and you will finish your meal, fulfilled and satisfied, as those around you start groaning about how much they ate. You will feel light and full of energy as your friends “roll” out of there. Believe it or not, you will be HAPPY you didn’t eat what they did. You won’t feel deprived, you will feel empowered and strong.
You really can do this and you really can get to that place. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. If you need some help along the way, I would be so happy to partner with you. I have helped many women down this path and can offer you support, encouragement and some damn fine celebrations! Are you ready? Let’s do this thing!
What’s holding you back? Please comment below.
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Lorna… oh, my, this came at the perfect time. I was reading though, and going, GUILTY. And I started making myself feel bad all over again. But when you pointed out that it’s really about habits, that really resonated with me and empowered me. Thanks for this great post, it is very motivating! I feel like the power is back in my hands.
Great post, Lorna…I am a sucker for trying to start(good) habits, and is it 90 days? I’ve always thought it was 21 days, which prob explains why I always fall off the wagon. LOL. The most challenging habit for me has always been my eating habits…I eat as healthy as I can, but I don’t always stay on track. It def takes baby steps to create life-changing habits (I’ve learned one at a time is best)…and breaking those that just don’t serve you anymore. Thanks for the wonderful reminder!
Yeah, it is 90 days for real, not gonna fall off the wagon, ingrained change. You are right, it is baby steps–but those small steps lead to big gains. You have the right mindset Desiree and I know you will reach your goals. Thanks for your comment.
You’re so speaking to me, Lorna! I just started running again last week after a break of over FIVE YEARS – basically since I got pregnant with my oldest child. It still feels so difficult to make it happen, and I’m obviously not where I was when I left off so it’s quite humbling, but I’m committed!
It just got to the point where it felt hypocritical not to be taking care of myself. And I didn’t want to hear myself complain about how exhausted I was for one more day. If I’m exhausted because I ran a 10K, okay. But exhausted because I haven’t made the time to take care of myself? Not okay!
Thanks for the awesome pep talk!
Andrea! Congratulations! That is so great that you are running again. I bet you feel fantastic! (Ok, maybe it hurts and maybe it’s hard, but underneath you are so proud of yourself and you should be). It is easy to let the kids overwhelm you and your time, but when you take care of you, you are setting the best example. And everyone is happy when mommy is happy. Keep it up. Great job.
As always talking right to me Lorna 😀
It’s a process Fiona. I know you will get there. Lots of love. You know I am always here for you. Lorna
Today my boyfriend of three years and i were joking around and he took my keys so i grabbed his phone and started looking around when i went into pictures i found about a dozen nude pictures of girls, i got upset and he started saying it was porn and nothing else, they looked like random girls taking nudes in the mirror. I do#n;8217&t know what to do, we were planning on moving in together in a few months. What does this mean? Should I leave him?