You know, I spend a lot of time insisting that my clients celebrate their wins–both big and small. So I would be remiss if I did not toot my own horn today to say that this is my 100th blog post!!! A hundred!!! How ’bout that??
Today is a Part 2. If you missed it, last week we talked about why other people liking us (or not) matters so much. You can go back and read it here.
If you did read it, I think you will agree it can be summed up in this way:
Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control.
Or more simply:
Care what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. ~Unknown
Needing people to like us is one way that we think we protect our sense of self. We think that other people’s opinions is what makes us who we are. Here are some other ways that we safe guard who we think we are:
~By avoiding confrontation
~By “over giving”–trying to be all things for all people
~By never being able to admit wrongdoing
~By being “touchy”–taking things personally all the time
~By always feeling the need to defend and explain your actions
You may see yourself in this. And while some of this is in all of us, the question is, is it running or ruining your life? If it only pops up occasionally, you are probably doing ok. If it is a regular occurrence? You might want to take a closer look.
The very best way to stop feeling the need to protect your sense of self is to fully and completely accept yourself. And while every single one of us spends an entire lifetime in our own company, it is incredibly hard for most people to love and accept themselves.
And I promise you, if you have the issues that I mentioned above, you are not fully ok with you who are. You may tell yourself you are, but it just isn’t so. Sorry.
How do you start the self love process?
Meet your Inner Child
Yes, yes I know that our “inner child” has been the butt of many jokes. It’s a shame really, because there is a big part of all of us that is still a little kid.
Everyone has unmet needs and undeveloped parts of themselves from childhood. Everyone. And seeing, accepting and dealing with those parts is the key to healing many of the emotional problems that we face as adults. Our inner child holds that key.
So yes, please meet your inner child. Take their hand and listen to what they have to say. Give them what they needed and never got. Reassure them that you have their back and that it is going to be ok now.
You may need to grieve for a childhood you never had. You may need to forgive yourself for something that the younger you thought was your fault but that the adult you clearly sees could not have been. Allow yourself to let go of things that were never yours to carry. This is a process and will not happen overnight.
The next thing to do is to write down positive and negative things about yourself. ALL of it. The good, the bad and the ugly.
If you are going to accept yourself, you have to accept even the things that may make you cringe. Accept your humanness and the fact that everyone makes mistakes.
After that, own and acknowledge the good things about yourself. What are the things that you are awesome at? What do you do for others and the world? Toot your horn, pat yourself on the back, drink yourself in.
You will notice which one of these is harder. I have found that most women make their negative list much longer than their list of accolades. Interesting, wouldn’t you say?
Find True Integrity
Finally, you need to be in integrity with yourself.
Integrity is when what you do, what you say and what you think are all in alignment.
Again, as women, we tend to hold our tongues. We often will go along to get along but our thoughts are much, much different than our actions. This takes us out of integrity and over time we lose the ability to trust ourselves.
Speaking our truth and finding a way to communicate that works for us and everyone around us is the gift that keeps on giving.
How does this feel to you? Do you already know that you are falling short in the loving yourself department? Are you ready for it to be different?
I worked through this myself and have helped many women do the same. Being in integrity and loving yourself is a wonderful way to walk through life.
If you would like to talk about some steps that you can take, please hit contact in the upper right hand corner of this page to set up a free Discovery Session with me. It just might make all the difference for you.
Hugs for the 100th time,
In order to change your life, you must first change your mind